My mother has early-stage lung cancer, but won't give up smoking

I struggle with the smell and her refusal to consider its effects on her health. How should I deal with this?

• The Guardian, Sunday 18 November 2012 16.00 EST

My otherwise very healthy 70-year-old mother has been diagnosed with lung cancer. It is at an early stage, has not spread, and she has undergone an aggressive course of radiotherapy. She has accepted my family's invitation to move in with us as we want to look after her. However, I?struggle both with the smell of her cigarette smoke and her refusal to contemplate the prospect that stopping smoking might?increase her longevity, just as the radiotherapy might. How should I deal with this?

? If you would like to respond to this week's problem, please post your comment below.

When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments which appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.

? If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of around 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.

? All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private.lives@guardian.co.uk (please don't send attachments).

Posting of comments will be temporarily disabled on Sunday night, from 2:00am UTC so that we can perform maintenance on the system. During this work, which may require up to five hours, you will still be able to read comments but will be unable to post or recommend. Thank you for your understanding. "); jQ('a.report-abuse:not(.no-abuse-popup)').live('click', function(ev) { ev.preventDefault(); loading_box.dialog({ title: "Abuse report", draggable: false, modal: true, width: 400, minHeight: 320, resizable: false, beforeclose: function(event, ui) { var readOnly = jQ('.report-abuse-ajax-readonly').length; if(readOnly == 1) return true; var reason = jQ('.report-abuse-ajax-form textarea#id_reason').val(); var thanksPage = jQ('.report-form-loading p[data-abuse-report-accepted-for-comment]').length; if (thanksPage == 0) { thanksPage = jQ('.report-form-loading p[data-abuse-report-accepted-for-profile]').length; } if(thanksPage == 0) { if(reason == 0) { return true; } else { return confirm("Closing this window without pressing \"Report\" will result in your words being lost. Are you sure?"); } } else { return true; } }, close: function(ev, ui) { loading_box.remove(); } }); abuse_report_url = this.href.replace('report-abuse', 'report-abuse-ajax'); abuse_report_url = fix_domain_for_careers(abuse_report_url); jQ.ajax({ url: abuse_report_url, success: function(data){ loading_box.html(data); } }); }); jQ('body').delegate('.report-abuse-ajax-form form', 'submit', function(ev) { ev.preventDefault(); var form = jQ(this); var url = fix_domain_for_careers(form.attr('action')); jQ.post(url, form.serialize(), function(html) { form.parents('.ui-dialog-content').html(html); // Has the abuse report been accepted? var el = jQ(html); var comment_id = el.attr('data-abuse-report-accepted-for-comment'); var profile_id = el.attr('data-abuse-report-accepted-for-profile'); if (comment_id) { jQ('ul#comment-' + comment_id).find('li.abuse-report').remove(); } else if (profile_id) { jQ('p.report-abuse').remove(); } var is_successful_submission = (comment_id || profile_id); if (is_successful_submission) { if(guardian.r2.omniture.isAvailable()) { // track with omniture s.linkTrackVars = 'events,eVar37'; s.linkTrackEvents = 'event37'; s.eVar37 = 'Comment:Report Abuse'; s.events = 'event37'; s.tl(true, 'o', 'Comment report abuse'); } window.setTimeout(function() { loading_box.dialog("close"); }, 3000); } }); }); // make sure submit button is enabled onReady. jQ('#newcommenting-form input[type=submit]').removeAttr('disabled'); var newFormURL = window.location.protocol + '//' + window.location.host + window.location.pathname + '?#post-area'; jQ('div#login-container form.post-your-comments').attr('action', newFormURL); jQ('div#signup-container input').click(function(){ urlStack.clearUrlStack(); urlStack.pushUrlOntoStack(newFormURL); document.location = 'http://users.guardian.co.uk/signup/tr/1,,-720,00.html'; }); jQ('.recomended').show(); jQ('#newcommenting-form').submit(function(){ jQ('input[type=submit]', this).attr('disabled', 'disabled'); }); }); //end jQ ready function openAbuseBox(commentId) { jQ("#abuse-report-comment-id").val(commentId); var loading_box = jQ('

Loading

'); loading_box.dialog({ title:"Abuse report", draggable: false, modal:true, width:400, minHeight:320, resizable: false, beforeclose: function(event, ui) { var reason = jQ('textarea#id_reason').val(); if (reason != "") { return confirm("Closing this window without pressing \"Report\" will result in your words being lost. Are you sure?"); } else { return true; } } }); } function recommendComment(commentId) { var guardian_domain_thing = 'foo'; var post_url = "http://www.guardian.co.uk/discussion/handlers/recommendComment"; post_url = fix_domain_for_careers(post_url); jQ.post(post_url, { comment_id: commentId }, function(data) { if (data == "OK") { var span = jQ("#recommended-count-" + commentId); span.prev('a').contents().unwrap(); span.text(parseInt(span.text(), 10)+1); } else { var span = jQ("#recommended-count-" + commentId); span.prev('a').contents().unwrap(); } }); }

Guardian readers solve your problems